I’ve been putting off writing my testimony. Partly because I’m afraid it won’t turn out how I want, and partly because I’m lazy. God’s been telling me to write it out for a long time now and I’m finally listening, so here we go. So you should probably start off by knowing that I’ve been a Christian my whole life. I’ve been at the same church, believed in God, and have been saved since I was... well, born. My Grammer is an incredible woman of God, I look up to her, and she has always taken us (me, my brother and sisters) to church. So growing up I always knew who Jesus was, and I knew what did for me but I don’t think I ever truly understood the weight of it until I got older. As a kid I was always in church. I came to Sunday school, went to kid’s church, and then went to night kid’s church. But as I got older I actually got turned off of church. Once I left kids church and entered into youth group I felt alone. At that time there wasn’t any girls my age. My older sister was in it but we had never gotten along so she left me to myself. I would sit quietly in the corner by myself and eventually, I got so lonely to the point where I just stopped coming to church at all, that’s actually when I fell away from God. Now, before this I hadn’t really ever had a “personal” relationship with God. I would occasionally try and talk to him, and I would prayer nightly but it was never a real relationship. The summer before I entered into my freshman (9th) year of high school I became severely depressed. I felt lost, alone, and scared. Those emotions just kept building up and I collapsed. See, without God you can’t stand on your own, I learned this the hard way. Every day my depression would worsen. I would lie on my bed and cry until I fell asleep. I did this every night until it got to the point where I was cutting myself. I kept a razor blade hidden in my night stand and when I felt like I needed a release, I would cut my wrist. It was a temporary fix to the devils plan. Now at this point in my life I would go to morning church but I would go downstairs and help my grammer teach the little kids. I would never actually sit through a service. Sarah, my old youth pastors wife, used to beg me to come to youth every Sunday. It got on my nerves to the point where I came one Sunday night. The Sunday I came I remember pulling out of the parking lot that morning after morning church and I felt this annoying tug at my heart to come. I asked my grammer what she thought I should do and she said that if I felt like I should go then I should. Little did I know at that time that that was actually God giving that tug at my heart to come. I came that night for three reasons, first being to shut Sarah up, the second being I couldn’t shake that tug at my heart, and the third being it was my last hope. I can officially say God has saved my life because the night that I came to youth was the night I was planning on killing myself. No one knew but me and this was a last ditch effort. I remember walking into youth all alone. I only knew two people (Chloe and Marissa) and I didn’t talk to either of them that much. I took a seat in the corner and I sat and listened to pastor J preach on salvation. It was exactly what I needed to hear. At the end of his message he had everyone go off by themselves and pray. Youth was held in my churches basement at the time and there is a part where the wall indents and that is where I sat. I pulled my knees to my chest and started praying. I don’t even remember what I was praying for, I just remember being lost and confused. Sarah came over and started praying with me. She led me in the sinners’ prayer and I was saved. I continued to stay in youth and I slowly started making friends. There were finally girls my age and I met two of my best friends then, Chloe and Seth. That November (2009) my youth group went to convention. Having seen my older sister go before she dropped out of youth I was curious and God kept telling me to go. He told me he had big things for me and my heart would flutter every time I thought about it. We went and the second night of convention changed my life. The song With Everything by Hillsong was playing and the speaker asked if we wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Going into convention I asked every day for around two months to be filled. Knowing this was my time I instantly started praying. Sarah came over and started praying for me and this girl in my youth, Emily, also. I remember Emily got filled before me and I was starting to get discouraged but my mind was set. I wasn’t going to leave without getting it. Sarah came over to me and said, “You have it! Speak it out!” I was so lost and confused but slowly I started speaking in small syllables. Sarah told me I was speaking in tongues and as soon as recognition hit, my heart flared. I couldn’t stop this language I had just learned. It flowed from me like a water fall. After service ended that night I was on a Jesus high until the enemy crept in. He kept putting doubts in my mind. Telling me I didn’t get it, that I was making those syllables up, that God wouldn’t give me this gift. I told Sarah my thoughts. She grabbed my face between her hands, and screamed in my face that I got filled. After then I never doubted it. I’ve been rededicated, depression free, and filled with the Holy Spirit for three years now. I have started and lead a Christian club at my school. I pray for a revival and I can't wait to see what God will do through it. He shows me how wonderful and amazing he truly is every day. Don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t easy or perfect. Neither of my parents are saved so for the longest time I was the only Christian in my household. That was hard, but recently this year my brother got saved! (Praise God!) And I’m working on my parents and little sister. My older sister is a drug addict but doesn’t live at home. My heart breaks for her the most. Even with all the struggles I face on the daily and my moments where I feel weak, I know God is still with me. Even in trials and darkness I know he’s right next to me, holding my hand, and guiding my steps. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5